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Chloe Troast’s Little Orphan Cassidy Just Wants To Get Adopted on SNL

Why won’t anyone adopt Chloe Troast? After once again failing to be chosen from the orphanage, the Saturday Night Live newbie’s Cassidy wonders what could possibly be so wrong with her. After lamenting to her friend the moon (Timothée Chalamet in the role of a lifetime), Troast opens her mouth to sing and the spirit of Michael McDonald takes over as she croons about why nobody wants her. “Is it ‘cause of my hair? Is it ‘cause of my laugh?…Is it ‘cause I’m 26 years old?” “Wait, what?” the moon asks. “Well, 26 and 18 months,” Cassidy clarifies, before continuing on to reveal she’s also a flat-earther, bit a girl to the bone, has $600,000 in student loans, started COVID, and writes stories where she has *** with monsters in a dungeon. “What is it about me that’s so hard to love?” she wonders. “I think we’re running into quite a few possibilities here,” the moon says, before meeting Cassidy’s 51-year-old boyfriend (Mikey Day) and hearing about their shady plan involving a teeth mold. At that point the moon has heard enough and bails, as if it were dawn.

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